im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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