cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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