what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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