if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
