R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize