Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
