thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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