If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
