You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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