i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
