Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
