If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
