On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
