White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
