He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
