at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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