4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
