lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize