We're facebook friends in real life
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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