Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
