She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
