standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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