someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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