Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
