once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
