overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
