I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
