Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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