honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
