Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
