While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
