So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
