I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize