its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
