She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
