the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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