accomplished twins. life is a go
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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