it's too hot outside to masturbate.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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