i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
