he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
