OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
