Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
