he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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