i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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