My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
