My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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