I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she smelled like a LAN party
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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