Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
