I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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