Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
