So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
