Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
