You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
