he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize