oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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