Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
