Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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