saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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