For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize