I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
