Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
