I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
