Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize