does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
