i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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