don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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