I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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