im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
