My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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