I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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