i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my sisters under your porch take her home
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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