I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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