I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
