He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
