dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
